


start//end

by Nyciel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Beta Oikawa Tooru, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining, Single Parent AU, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-01 19:04:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12711066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyciel/pseuds/Nyciel
Summary: "You try to kill it but it won't stop bleeding,Try to forget it but it won't stop killing you.You're running out of time,Yeah, you know you can't go back.It's too late,To say it's too late."-Eden [start//end]"I don't love him."





	1. There's no hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is. I've been delaying this for who god knows how long and it's finally here. This is definitely one of the fics I've struggled with the most, and even though I'm publishing it right here, right now, to be brutally honest, I'm not proud of this.
> 
> One of the main reasons why I wriggled through countless of hours trying to come up with a decent Chapter is because of the people whom I promised I'd write this for. My followers over on Instagram and Tumblr who have no doubt contributed greatly to this.
> 
> I know there will be a group of you who would be disappointed by this, however I would first like to make something very clear.
> 
> I would not update this fic if no one seems keen on reading it, by that I mean, unless someone asks for an update, I will not post or write it.
> 
> This is simply because like I mentioned earlier, I am not proud of this piece.
> 
> There's that, enough rambling from me, I hope you like the first chapter of start//end.

_The first ambulance reveals the first victim of the batch, a tall lean lady with a gaping wound over her legs._ _ **“She needs stitches but she'll be fine. Heart levels are normal but her scent glands were damaged.”**  _Tooru nods to the paramedic assisting with the rescue and delivery of victims to hospital before redirecting him to one of his colleagues.

“Oikawa-san! We have another bomb victim who just came in, according to on site paramedics and rescue workers the victim is suffering from serious head trauma and a dangerous amount of blood lost. He's been given top priority as his condition was considered critical.”  _The night was too busy for his or anyone's comfort. Four bombs had went off in one of the busiest train stations in Miyagi, from live reports, over eighty people were reported dead on site and another two hundred severely wounded. Over a hundred people remain missing as the impact of the four bombs not only derailed a train of the most commuted line, but also caused the entire underground tunnel to collapse. They have had patients coming in like wildfire ever since the announcement of the terrorist attack successfully having taken place and they weren't even the closest hospital to the scene. The nearest neighbouring hospital had all doctors, nurses and rooms occupied, even with off-shift doctors coming back to help with the ordeal, there wasn't enough to cope with such a large amount of people. The had no choice but to send the victims to this hospital despite it being over half-an-hour away._

_Tooru swears he has never seen this much blood and patients in his entire career. The air reeked of death, blood, and a disgusting amount of pheromones; each and every individual scent excreting their own distress signals. Everything was like a mindless chaotic whir of emotions, there was nothing beautiful and bright about what he had seen, no matter what the extent of the injuries, even if he sees someone suffering only minor injuries admitted into the accident and emergency department, a victim on the verge of death would be a constant nagging reminder that though some had made it out alive and well, there were many others on the brink of death, dying even if they had so much ahead of them. He recalls seeing Omegas crying over their now dead children, people begging to know if their loved ones were dead or alive, and just others who sat emotionless, expression blank as they failed to comprehend the sickening aftermath. This was his job, the sight he should have grown used to but never seemed to. It was at times like this, he wonders what made him choose such a career, what made him driven to the point where he questioned his morals of having to choose who to save and who to let go._

**_“Get Tetsurou and prepare for surgery, if he suffered head trauma there could be a clot that would affect the brain, he's most experienced in that field, he's the best person for the operation.”_ **

_“But all the operating theatres are currently occupied. **We can't-** ” _

_“Find him and tell him we have more critical condition patients coming in, victims with minor injuries like external wounds can be stitched up elsewhere. Send Omegas to the left wing, with the amount of distress signals they're giving out, putting them in a room full of thirsty and unstable alphas can be too overpowering.”_

**_“But-”_ **

**_“Go. Now.”_**   _The shorter blond girl nods timidly before she scurries off, **he blinks,** quietly, staring at his watch._

**_It was going to be one hell of a night._ **

* * *

 

 

 

_**“Papa!”** _

_The little girl chirps as she sits by the doorway attempting to tie her zesty-blue shoelaces._  Her tongue stuck out oddly to the side as she pours her concentration into looping the two ends of the shoelace. With a feeble effort, she manages, not perfect, but satisfactory. She looks proudly at her achievement, tapping her two little feet together as she waited for Hajime.

She wore a simple pair of winter leggings, nothing too fancy. They had little holes in them; maybe from wearing them too much, they were her favourite pair after all. She bounces up, huffing. The sudden shot upwards allows the laces to once again unravel into a bundled mess. She looks down at her booties with a disappointed look, as if her discontent could somehow magically force the laces back into shape.

With a little more flair of impatience, she calls out.

**_“Papa!”_ **

**_“I’m coming!”_  ** _The husky voice was a nice contrast to the higher, chirpier little voice. Hajime's voice was rough, a little dry, yet it suited him despite that. The raspiness complemented his facial features, but gentleness of the way he spoke gave anyone a little peek of his true, soft and more motherly character._

 _ **“Things are fine, just a little tired from work that's all.”**  _He shuffles his feet against the carpeted ground, wrinkling his toes in the fine hairs as he brisk walked. Savouring its velvety texture rubbing against his skin soothed him; each strand of fibre tingling his senses. They cushioned his steps, giving the raven an odd sense of relief for his aching heels.

**_“I can take care of myself Hiro, don't worry too much.”_ **

He switches off the remainder of the unused electricity units, packing the remains of their lunch into the fridge.  _Quietly he appreciates the silence, the little place they called home on the seventh floor of an old apartment building. It wasn't much, but it was enough for the two of them._

“ _ **I know, I know.”**_

He makes the corner to the tiny hallway leading to the main door. He retrieves his house keys from the little shelf he had shoved into a corner of their tiny apartment. They jingled as he walked, producing something Hajime naturally found himself syncing his breathing rate to.  _On it was a little Godzilla keychain he got ages ago._

**_“Yeah, I'll talk to you later, Hana’s waiting for me.”_ **

_He can't resist a smile when he catches sight of his beautiful baby girl; standing there staring at her two feet, visibly upset as her two cheeks puffed up from the pockets of air she hid in her mouth._

_**“Bye.”** _

Swiftly, he ends the call, shoving the cell down his pocket.  _He manages to conjure a smile. Gently, he plants a motherly kiss on her forehead, ruffling her bangs as she giggled._

_**“Sorry sweetheart.”** _

_“Papa! It tickles!”_

_The way her rosy little cheeks quirked up, face lit with an air of cheeriness that radiated clearly from her developing scent glands. A sweet tinge of mint, maybe with a little rosemary dusted in there. It was a distinct enough scent for Hajime to instantly recognise it, but nothing too special that had him agonising over her standing out of much._

_**Hajime laughs,** removing her coat from the rack before helping her put it on.  **She's growing too big for this Hajime thinks.**_  He makes a mental note to get her a new one soon, preferably after this month's paycheck seeing as they were still a little tight on money.  _ **“Does it?”**  He asks tenderly, voice soft. She allows Hajime to weave his fingers into her hair, neatly tucking her little bangs behind her ear._ Hanami leans more into his palms, savouring the warmth. She didn't seem to any mind to the callouses that layered his skin. No matter how rough, it was inevitably still her beloved Papa’s;  _Papa who worked odds job he hated just to make sure she wouldn't go hungry, Papa who barely took care of himself because he was too worried about Hanami instead. **He was Papa who had to raise her all by himself, the person she loved more than anything else in this world**._

_“Yes.” She squeaks out, giggling as Hajime spoils her with more little loving pecks along her forehead._

Crouching down to meet her eye level, he rubs her little cheeks and smiles. Hanami pulls Hajime into a hug, Hajime more than happily returns it.

_“Need help with your laces?”_

_She nods her head whilst maintaining her innocent toothy smile. **“Yes please.”** _

He sits her down on the little step, quickly tying her shoelaces she seemed to have trouble with before. 

_**“Was that Uncle Hiro?”** She's always been bad at this sort of tasks, she hated anything that needed more effort than it should have. Just didn't match up too well with her headstrong personality. _

_“Yep.”_

_**“What did he say?”** _

_“He said he bought you your favourite double chocolate cookies.”_

Her face lights up, and it was honestly hard for Hajime to not return the adorable reaction of hers with a small smile.

With a softer, more squeaky voice, she chirps,  _“Cookies_!”

 ** _“Yes,”_**   _Hanami looks down on her two feet, beaming with an undefiled innocence. Hajime gets up, removing his own coat from the rack before smoothly sliding it on **. “Cookies.”**  Throw in his scarf with the softest of blues, almost grey, Hajime has found himself at an unusual state of ease. He pats her head as she hops up, reaching for Hajime's hand. The raven's fingers carefully wrap itself around the smaller five, encasing it._

 _ **“Come on.”**_  

Witha click to note the door had been securely locked, the two of them make their way to the grocery store.

 

_It was freezing cold, even with his sweater worn underneath his coat, he could feel the tip of his ears go numb. The day was illuminated with a special cold, pale light only winter's sun could give, and the rain from last night made everything glow with a really slippery ice. The trees stand starkly in the winter morning like x-rays of their summer selves, only in reverse; black on white. They looked so forlorn in the frigid early morning, Hajime shivers, peering into the encroaching gloom of a passing alleyway. His breath rises before him, forming from the puffs of moisture from his lungs._

_**“Are you cold Hanami?”**  He asks concerned. He himself had never done too well on cold days, he had a bad resistance to a lack of heat, and often enough because of this, he occasionally catches a cold. _

_The little girl waddles about, kicking at the thin sheet of snow that had formed along the sidewalk. She stops the little song she had been humming since they left the house, looking up to cast Hajime her signature smile._

**_“Nope! Are you cold Papa?”_ **

_The air is frozen lace on his skin, delicate and cold, like winter waves on shallow sand. The sky is washed with grey, watery light illuminating thin patches to brilliance. In some moments he's watching his boots over the frozen sidewalk, perfect concrete slabs, flat and square, and in others transfixed to the interplay of cloud and sun above._

**_“Just a little, my toes are numb.”_ **

The grocery store wasn't too far from where they lived, a walk of a little over ten minutes was usually what they took. Though on rare occasions, Hajime would let Hanami indulge herself with the fallen snow, playing to her heart's content.

 _“Do they hurt?”_  She asks concerned. Hajime shakes his head reassuring her with a light squeeze of their palms.  _“Nope.”_

_In the winter he thought that the coldness of this city was seasonal, that with the spring warmth it would transform and he could feel at home. However the truth is that even in the summer there is no softening of the chill. Service is without a smile; fast, efficient, mechanical. There is no greenery at all, the planters installed by some optimistic architect remain bare, not even a weed. It is clean and utterly soul-less. There is no music unless it is the tinny prelude to a police announcement, there are no street vendors, there are no street artists or brightly covered store fronts. Everything is monochrome from the stores, to cars to clothing._

_With the recent bombing at the Sendai train station, Hajime couldn't help but feel wary. The biggest tragedy in years reporters say, people were advised to stay indoors unless fully necessary, the event plunged the country into a nationwide panic, and the government had no choice but to enforce a nationwide curfew._

_**He couldn't afford things like a tablet or toys to keep her occupied,**  bringing her out for a day at the park, the beach or even the playground made up for that._ Even if they didn't have the most blessed life, Hanami had never ever muttered a word of protest. Hajime was just glad she understood the situation they were in, never asking for too much.  _She was the most precious thing in his life, the only reason he believed that one day, all of the hardwork would pay off_.

_They stray along, Hanami going on about something Hajime found himself incapable of processing. As he drowned himself in the wave of clouded unforeseeable future, the gentle tug of his sleeves barely managed to snap him out of his daze._

**_“Papa! Are you listening?”_ **

_He tightens his grip around her petite fingers a little, **“Sorry, what were you saying?”** _

**_“I said when I grow up, I'm going to be a strong alpha so I can protect you!”_**   _All he can do to acknowledge her words was with a smile that didn't particularly seem too genuine; Hanami was mature for her age but she still tends to underlook the finer details. Behind the smile was just the silent prayer that she would go grow up healthy and strong._  He doesn't care what secondary gender she ends up presenting as, for her to grow up in the pink of health, bubbly yet basking in her shyness around strangers. To continue being her chirpy little self, kind, innocent, humble. Hajime simply wished for her to grow up into something she could be proud of.

 _ **“That's really sweet of you Hana,”**_   _They stop just a little before the junction. Hajime takes the opportunity to pat her head, watching how her eyes perfectly reflected his own,_ ** _“But what matters most is that you grow up healthy alright?”_  ** _The chilling breeze that swept past seemed to give him the impression time came to a crashing halt. The silence of the morning enveloped the quiet streets, winds were merely the earth's whispers taunting him, the sun an object of disdain. He was overwhelmed with what he could only describe as a sudden epiphany; **the realisation that one day, Hanami would grow up to pursue her own life.**_  

_**Omegas, Betas, Alphas…**  A social construct created by society to force humans further into social divide. The saddening result of an unjust hierarchical society where people were judged primarily from one's secondary gender. _

**_“Okay!”_  ** _The only thing he could make out beneath her moving hair is a smile that could light up any day, no matter how dark. Isn't that the gift that children bring? To show adults a spark of pureness in the hope that they are still able to shine back at them._

 ** _He admired how his pup could always put what he said into perspective, accept it, move on._  ** _He envied how nice it must have been to be able to forget the unpleasant times, live in the present. With someone like him, his past was nothing but a demon shackled to his ankles, weighing him down like an inexplicable weight; and slowly but surely, it threatens to immobilize him, render him useless, **crippled.**_

An omega meant nothing in this society, they existed for the sole purpose of producing offspring which may had the chance of being more.  _Sure_ , there were laws to protect these humans who were  ** _“cursed”_**  with this secondary gender that could determine their entire future. The problem people faced was that laws meant nothing if they weren't enforced; corrupt government officials, fascist political leaders, the  _“protection”_  of omegas was just another ploy to raise the social status of a country.  _With modern society no longer seeing the need for these omegas, they were nothing but outcasts in the name of the law._

_**They say people can't bottle love but he says they're wrong. Hanami is proof.**  Have they seen her run with that bouncy stride of hers? Have people seen how wide her smile is or how wide she reaches for every hug? She was love all bottled up into a little bundle of joy, and Hajime loved her with every inch of his heart. _

_He would go to the ends of the world to protect her, and nothing was enough for him to let anyone take her away._

**_“Papa!”_ **

_For Hanami happiness is simple. It's hugs with her Papa and playing **"let's pretend,"**  it's a good old bedtime story before Papa tucked her to bed and the kisses Papa would indulge her with whenever she did well for a test. _

**_“Hm?”_ **

_It was the gentle reassurances that everything was under control, the comfort of knowing she didn't have to worry about anything else. The rare trips to the ice-cream parlour, their little stay-home movie nights, or maybe just days like these; **a trip to the grocery store.** _

**_Happiness was being loved by her one and only Papa; being showered with that affection no other could ever replace._ **

_“I love you!”_

_She loved her Papa as much as her Papa loved her, that was one thing that would never change._

_The smile Hajime managed to wriggle out wasn't the kind of people used to greet customers at a shop. Neither was it the type of small one would give in retaliation to a joke or remark. **It was the kind of smile a mother bestows on their child when they find out just how tainted they were with this undefiled, incorrigible innocence. As if nothing in the world could defile this purity.** _

_It was a smile that evoked such a deep sense of motherly affection, one couldn't help but marvel in awe of such gentleness._

**__“I love you too sweetheart_.”_ **

 

 


	2. Death of a Dream.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I'm falling apart,_  
>  _Want to be what the world forgot._  
>  _And I know it feels like heaven when you are lost,_  
>  _But it feels like I'm out of time,_  
>  _And it feels like an end I can't override._  
>  _And it feels like I'm watching my childhood_  
>  _dreams just fade and die,_  
>  _Oh, we grow older_  
>  _But never learn to say_  
>  _Goodbye."_  
>  __  
>  **\- Eden [Death of a dream]**  
>   
> 
> -
> 
>  
> 
> _Hanami has synesthesia._  
>  _Tooru is lonely._  
>  __  
>  **Hajime is hurting.**  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two you guys! For some off reason, many of you guys seem to enjoy this? I do too, trust me, but I just felt the first chapter really wasn't up to par to some of my other works.
> 
> However! If there are people who genuinely like this series, I'd keep it going for as long as I can.
> 
> I'm slightly prouder of this chapter as compared to the first one, I sincerely hope you guys will enjoy it too!
> 
> Comments, kudos and bookmarks are much appreciated! Things like these are what drives me to write more for you guys!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy Chapter two of "start//end"!

_Hajime had always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drift by._ He loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they make, the little crunch when you stepped on them. Yet the tiredness that begun a while ago remains like a veil over his skin, _grey, **cold.**_

It lay like dirty snow over every other emotion, _greying his spirit_ , _tainting all that could bring him joy and relief._ **_His once hearty laugh had become hollow and the smile that had been so quick to light his face was now only a mask to protect him from well meaning questions._**

 _He remembers watching the petals and the twigs sway outside the window, a creeping sorrow where there should be joy._ **_It sits like November rain on his skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside._**

 _The tears weren't even there but Hajime was empty._ _He couldn't have cried even if he wanted to. The sadness was there as usual, **no longer raw** – an empty unhappiness, the kind he knew didn't easily lift._

He couldn't look at old photographs of himself without being consumed by the desire to wind back time and slow it down so he could savour those precious moments of laughter and hugs, _“Happy birthdays”_ and _“Goodnights”_. _The faded recollections of a family's love, one he barely even bothers bringing up anymore. To say he missed his family was a lie, but to say he forgot about them was one too._

Memories could be the equivalent to small little scars, _bruises, lesions._ _They bring you hurt, pain, discomfort; **yet they teach,** morals, lessons, experiences._ Memories were just stubborn little cuts he should have left alone, left to heal and eventually to be forgotten. Hajime however can't seem to do so, they hurt, he needs to go back over and over again, but in the process he's slowly growing oblivious to the hurt he's putting himself through, _the wounds that no longer seem to close properly anymore._

_They reside as scars now, **a reminder of what was truly left of him.** _

_An ocean falling upon him instead of rain - **the grief of years he carefully suspended all condensed right above his head into a cloud large enough to block the sun.**_ _The feeling is strange; too familiar yet too strange. He never knew how to define it. He wants to smile, laugh along with everyone else, embrace the warmth and rid of the cold._

 _He tries, **he really does,**_ but there's just something that tells him _**he can't.**_ _He can't have that happiness he so desperately wants._

_**He doesn't deserve the happiness he so desperately wants.** _

 

* * *

 

 

 _“Yeah, they're out of the miso flavoured ones.”_ He picks up an soy-flavoured up of noodles instead, scanning the nutrition label with a scrunched up face of displeasure.

_“They only have chicken.”_

He was taller than the average, nice stature, wavy hair; girls swooned at the sight of him. A person of such incredible medical proficiency and skill would immediately be associated to an alpha, strong, charming, self-proclaimed. The funny truth is, Oikawa Tooru was a simple, yet proud beta. “ _ **You don't look like a beta.”**_ Was a statement he had to grow up with throughout his career, **_“I thought you were an alpha.”_** or the classic “ ** _It's a shame you aren't an alpha.”_**

 _Tooru did wonder._ Were traits and biological differences all there were to define one of their social status?

People, alphas in particular would never have guessed he was an ordinary beta, Tooru didn't blame them in all honesty, he was used to the unnecessary label. And even if hated it, he never went out of his way to pick on someone who thought otherwise.

 _Asides from that, he worked well with his colleagues. Popular among all three divisions of the secondary sex classifications._ His passion towards medicine was highly commended, respected by even the best of specialists. Dealing with A &E patients was no question one of the more challenging medical subdivisions to take up as a career, _but that only drove his passion even more._

Asides from a the usual PhD or doctorate one must obtain, a psychological evaluation had been put in place to reduce the risk of an **_“Instincts over rationality”_ ** situation. Those who were deemed unfit and posed a danger to patients were reassessed and re-allocated. This was particularly important for those who worked in the accident and emergency department, patients who came in were often put under an incredible amount of stress, resulting in an influx of pheromone production. _Omegas, who were the government's main concern, were often delayed treatment due to the inability of finding someone of a clear enough psych evaluation._

 _Being a Beta however, he had a natural resistance to the intoxicating scents a distressed Omega produced_. He could work alone with omegas with ease, not needing any other necessary assistance to ensure the safety and well-being of the more vulnerable. He could easily pick up on different distress signals and work his way accordingly, never having to worry too much about being influenced by mingling scents.

With him being one of the first betas to be such a highly admired doctor, a spike in betas graduating from medical school has shown to have a significant increase in recent years. With him inspiring newer generations to fight against societal norms, there have been reports of even omegas joining the medical field.

He liked what he did, _took pride in it._ He had loving and supporting parents, friends he could turn to when he needed it, a nice apartment residing in a quieter part of town. _He never had to worry about money, nor bills or food._ He enjoyed everything he had; from his bed to the finely woven silk-sheets, the morning sun that flooded his bedroom and maybe even the occasional revving of cars driving off their driveway.

_All in all, it was still false sense of comfort illusioned by the serenity of a typical morning._

_Being too emotionally and physically invested in a job made him lonely at times;_ **_because even if he loved what he did,_ **_nothing could make up for the nights he returned home to a lifeless and cold household._

 ** _It baffled him._ **_How one could be surrounded by so many people yet still feel this inexplicable loneliness._  When someone grew so use to the warmth they had, they start to grow afraid of the cold. When they grew so used to the presence of others, they realise that sometimes, _warmth was nothing but a selfish delusion._

Engulfed in nothing but the lingering, ceaseless silence. The lack of warmth was no longer something he wanted to escape, _it was a shadow which gave him solace, comfort, a sense of release._ It's something he no longer denied of its existence. _**He was lonely,** but that only made him appreciate things more, treasured someone much more dearly._

 _“Yes, chicken.”_ He sighs, placing the cup back onto the shelf before tossing a bowl into ha basket instead. **_“Tetsu-chan, you're really hopeless aren't you.”_**

 _The store was quiet, starved of human activity pretty much._ For it to be this quiet on a weekend, Tooru could only assume it was because of the recent bombings taking place. Ever since the tragedy struck, people had been more wary, conscious of those around them. Even though rescue efforts were some of the biggest known in Japan's history, several dozens of people still remained trapped under the rubble, missing and clinging on to the hope that soon, _they'd be rescued._

 _Though the event had unfolded just three days prior, the A &E department were still struggling to accommodate victims that had been coming in. **Punctured lungs, shattered limbs, clogged respiratory systems**_ ; _those were merely a few of what they had to deal with._ Though those meant nothing under normal circumstances, when you had dozens of people to deal with, _there was only so much a doctor could take._

Even if they were greeted with death everyday, thrown and forced into some of the most unforeseeable situations, _nothing_ , **_nothing in their entire careers topped this._ **_The gut-wrenching bloodshed of the attacks, the stench of death that littered every inch of the hospital;_ **_nothing was quite the same since then._** What happened was something no one would be quite able to forget.

It was one of the rare chances doctors had a little time for themselves to rest, get a meal, clear their head; _come to terms that even if they did whatever they could, there were people they just weren't capable of saving._

 _“The what?_ ” He strolls leisurely out of the cramped noodle aisle, making his way to the microwavable section instead. **_“_** _Yeah, okay.”_

_Even if they were doctors, **they weren't the ones who decided who lives and who dies at the end of the day.** _

 

What they're greeted with the instant they step through the store's doors was familiar yet unpleasant. The tiles stained with an abnormal amount of bleach, staff too mechanical for comfort; the entire atmosphere of everything almost disconcerting. _The smell reminded Hajime of cigarettes and dusty old cars, the scents of dozens of different people who come and go mixed into one overpowering mess._ It was nauseating to some extent, but maybe he had grown so accustomed to it _, it no longer bothered him._

Hanami didn't seem to be bothered by the stench either, she was still young and Hajime assumed she just wasn't as sensitive to it yet. _**Hanami instead saw the beauty of viewing everything in colours,** like how her favourite number was four because it was a nice, light-shade of blue, **or how she loved her Papa's voice because it was a pretty Cardinal colour.**_

 _She hated nineteen because it was an ugly brown,_ but yet, she loved the sound of pages flipping because they were a gentle yellow. _Happiness was a warm orange, the name Hoshi was an odd mix of green and purple._

Hajime read up about it, and according to what he knew, _Hanami had Synesthesia. She could see numbers, names, emotions in specific colours._ Sounds to her were just a diverse collection of colours. _Hajime had no issue tucking her to sleep, sing a lullaby that helped her visualise soft, cool tones. Read a nice bedtime story with simple words she associated with happy colours._ **_Hanami had never once been a problem for Hajime, she was nothing but joy and smiles._**  He loved nothing more than coming home after a long day of work to be greeted by her with warm kisses and hugs. She'd find ways to occupy herself while he made dinner, drawing by their dining table or diligently doing her homework. She helps with the chores and does her bed, takes care of Hajime if he ever fell sick.

**_Hanami was an angel in Hajime's eyes._ **

He knew people who saw it as some sort of weird malediction, _a bad omen,_ **_“An Omega’s curse.”_** It didn't bother him too much cause Hanami was as healthy as she could be. The one hope Hajime had for her was for her to the very least be a strong healthy beta. He didn't want to see her undergo the same unjust treatment he had to go through. _People had always said he had passed down his bad and recessive genes down to Hanami who had no choice but to bare the product of an unwanted omega._  But even if she did turn out to be an omega like him, he'll love her no matter what. _He'll be there for her, every step of the way, because he knew how hard it was to have no one else to turn to. **To be scared and afraid.**_

_He never wanted that for Hana, he wanted to give her the best possible life he was able to afford. He wanted her to have a happy childhood, no need to worry about adult matters._

He pauses momentarily to watch Hanami twiddle her thumbs, staring absentmindedly at her boots.

 ** _“Pasta sound good for dinner tonight?”_ ** She chirps up, as bubbly as ever.

 _“Yes please!”_ Hajime spoils her with a kiss, straightening her little coat. She returns the affectionate gesture, giving her Papa a nice warm hug when he was finished. _“Mushrooms or Sausages?“_

 ** _“Mushrooms! Papa can we get Shiitaki mushrooms?”_**  

Makki and Mattsun often joked she was a carbon copy of him, _ruly storm black hair, nowhere near the point of being brown._ It lay on her shoulders like a waterfall flowing mildly; ends in small wavy curls. _She had his eyes and his ashen freckles, his headstrong personality and his awkwardness in social situations._

 _“It's Shiitake honey, but yes we can get them.”_  

She was small for her age, and though Hajime knew she was strong, he often made her out to be more fragile than she actually was. _Call it his motherly instincts or his over-protectiveness over his pup, one couldn't simply tell Iwaizumi Hajime not to worry about his daughter._

“Can we invite Shimizu and Hitoka-nee? Can we Papa?” _Hajime laughs, quickly grabbing a grocery basket before turning back to look down on his little sweetheart._

“We'll have to see, Hitoka-nee may be busy at **_the hospital. We can invite Uncle Hiro and Uncle Issei instead, maybe they'll even be able to bring Mido nee-chan if she's all better.”_** _Hanami happily trails behind Hajime, holding on to the little tail Hajime’s coat had._

“Do you think Mido-nee likes mushrooms? Mido-nee is so cool, so she must like mushrooms mustn't she Papa?” Hajime stops to pick out some spaghetti, Hanami not paying attention to her surroundings accidentally boops into Hajime’s thigh. _“Maybe, she likes carrots doesn't she?”_ She rubs her little button nose, tugging again on Iwa’s very small coattail.

 _“Mido-nee likes ice-cream like me Papa!”_ She stops to make some exaggerated hand gestures, waving her hands around before reaching for her Papa's hand. _“She says she likes strawberry!”_

Hajime allows Hanami to hold his hand, but because of how small she was, she had to extend her arm out as much as she could. _“That's great Hana.”_ Her Papa was tall and she was very small, together, they waddle down the lane, careful of what they picked out.

Occasionally, Hanami looked at a number and muttered something Hajime couldn't pick up on under her breath. He just went with the assumption she was rambling on about colours like how she always did. _He finds it adorable when she would make an obvious look of disgust at one number, but a simple contented look at another._

_“Papa I want to help too.”_

**_“Why not you get the milk while Papa finds the mushrooms?”_ ** His pup beams, replying with an enthusiastic nod _. “Be careful alright?”_

With a happy _“Okay!”_ , off she goes searching for their favourite brand of milk. Hajime on the other-hand occupies himself with picking out some onions and potatoes, casually checking out anything that catches his attention. They could afford just to splurge a little this time, maybe get chicken while they're at it. He inspects each vegetable carefully before placing them into the basket, a little upset with the quality of some of them. _Nevertheless, that was just the sacrifice that had to be made if they decided to buy the cheaper ones._

 _He wanders aimlessly down the aisles._ Skimming through shelves, paying attention to only those with the bright yellow “Sale” stickers. Sometimes he would shorten his strides, brushing a finger or two over bottles of jam, boxes of cereal.

If they were over-budget, he wouldn't pay them much mind. But if they were on sale or had a special discount, _he'd take a second to consider._

The prices had grown exponentially, with their economy plunging into a pitiful state of crisis after a drop in the agricultural production. Everything else since then had either been catered to the first class, or on rarer occasions, the middle class. Those below that could barely afford loaf of bread, being paid under minimum wage was definitely one of the many issues citizens had to deal with.

In a society where they were ruled by Alphas who had an irrational fear of being overthrown by those who were beneath them, social division was no surprise. The need to conform to society's expectations only further enforced the fixed notion of stereotypes.

_As a result, Omegas were viewed as weak and incapable of contributing anything to society. Betas were treated like any normal citizen with no particular disadvantages or advantages. And alphas had loads of privileges that Hajime described as complete utter bullshit._

**_Alphas to Hajime were merely people who struck the genetic lottery._ **

He catches eye of Hanami's favourite cereal, **_“2 for the price of 1!”_** Read the tag in italicized handwriting. _It was some pretty shit handwriting in his opinion but the people who worked here didn't really seem to give two shits about their job._ Last time he checked, everyone here was either underpaid or crippling in debt.

He lets out a satisfied hum either way, dumping two boxes into the basket. 

 

 ** _“Put the milk on the counter Hana.”_** With the best effort she could muster, she succeeds in placing the heavy milk carton onto the counter's conveyor belt. Hajime fishes for his wallet while Hanami's eyes wander around the store.

1500 was a velvety hue of red, 4420 a musty old green. The lady at the counter was a calm cyan from what Hana could read off her name tag. "Tsunamori", too bright for Hana, she didn't like it. Besides, her face was all grumpy and it scared her. Her eyes of hers dart around aimlessly looking for more numbers and names, each time she thought a number looked pretty or a name that made her happy, she'd quietly try and grab her Papa's attention so she could share them with him. _Hajime constantly acknowledges her babbles with a loving pat on the head as the lady continues scanning their items._

At the top of one of the shelves was one of those seasonal toys the store had in stock, most of them seemed to have sold out, leaving only a slightly sad looking frog alone in the shelf. _It's eyes were droopy and it's mouth curved into a frown almost, **but it was a nice teal colour with bright green eyes just like hers.**_

 ** _“Papa.”_** _Hajime looks down to meet Hanami's gaze. **“Look at the froggy on the shelf.”**_ _He turns to the direction Hanami was pointing at, catching sight of the frog plush leaning against the wall._

 ** _“It's sad because it's friends have all gone away.”_ ** Hajime looks to see the expression played across his daughter's face, it was a mix of pity and sadness, mouth twisted into an unpleasant frown that didn't suit her.

_The lady punches some buttons into the cash register, accepts the ¥5000 bill and deals the change. A process that almost seemed clockwork for her._

**_“Can we bring him home Papa?”_ **_Hajime takes one look at his daughter’s puppy eyes before before asking the counter lady if he could see it._ She gave an irritated **_“Tsk”_** As she struggled to take it down with her stout stature. The chair that supported her wobbled back and forth, on the verge of collapsing but living the last of its days.

When she retrieves it, she pushes it so abruptly into Hajime's face he would almost say she shoved it there. He keeps quiet nevertheless and gives it to Hana who gleamed at the toy in her arms. He promised himself he'll splurge a little today. _Though the outcome of whether he did get it was still dependent on the question if he had enough to afford it._

 ** _“¥1322.”_ **_Was the answer she gave in an almost monotonous, mechanic buzz._ Her expression was one of displeasure and it was obvious to Hajime she was growing impatient.

He takes a quick look at his wallet, and hopefully, he would have just enough extra cash. _He should have brought some spare change, maybe a ¥1000 or a few ¥500 coins... **All**_ _ **he had was four ¥50 coins and one ¥100 coin.** _

_Hajime couldn't bring himself to say no since Hanami almost never asked for anything._ She only ever asked for so much and Hajime could never be more grateful for how mature she was, _but as much as he didn't want to disappoint his pup, **he just didn't have the money on him right now.**_

 _He quietly apologies to the cashier lady for bothering her, but all she gives in return is an annoyed roll of the eyes which would have seemed to come of rude if it weren't for the fact Hajime was used to it._ She tosses it back to the side, and continues packaging the items. _With clear reluctance, he massages Hana's cheek, voice almost a whisper._

**_“... Maybe next time Hana.”_ **

 

 _Tooru remembers what exactly stood out about him,_ it wasn't his disheveled hair or fraying coat, neither was it his reserved gait, the raggedness of his appearance. It was his scent that reminded him freshly cut timber, like the damp forest after a rainy day; _it smelt heavenly._ Tooru breathed in his scent which was nothing at all like the people who worked here, always having a hint of tobacco or alcohol lingering about. In fact, his scent was so much more exotic; _sweet, intoxicating just like cinnamon or honey._ Yet thrown in there was the outlandish smell of moist wood, so subtle Tooru barely picked up in it.

 _Tooru couldn't help but look up to see who was emitting such an alluring scent, it was so perfect one could almost say it was some sort of fancy cologne, but Tooru knew better_.

**_There he was, right in front of him with what he guessed was his pup._ **

He had tousled black hair, which was thick and lustrous. His eyes were a mesmerising olive green, flecks of silvery light performed ballets throughout. His face was strong and defined, his features molded from granite.

 _And just his luck, that counter seemed to be the only one in use._ He awkwardly queues behind the two, giving his best attempt of looking away, _but he can't seem to._

He was even cuter up close, _and god, **was he even real?**_ His eyes shone the colour of a dazzling emerald green, which seemed to travel uneasily from one person to another. Tooru couldn’t help but notice that they glistened every time he moved them. They were gems that seemed to draw him into a daze; not letting him go. His eyes seemed to shine in the sunlight, but hide in the darkness. Below them is a nose so freckled that the brown splotches overlapped much like autumn leaves after harsh winds blew.

 _He was close enough to hear bits of what they talked about, but nothing enough to form a coherent sentence._ Things he managed to pick up from their rather one-worded conversations were mainly a ride range of colours. _The raven would periodically pat her head to acknowledge what she said, give a smile or two before falling back into a peaceful silence._

 _The next thing he remembers is the girl pointing towards one of the back shelves，the raven checking his wallet and the two of them leaving with a solemn look._ He had witnessed what had happened and disgusted was only an understatement at that point.

**_The lady was more than rude and that perturbed Oikawa._ **

Shaking off his displeasure, he places the microwavable bento and cup noodles on the conveyor belt, _feigning decency. “How much is the frog?”_

The lady looks up, and from the ways her eyes travelled, it was easy for Tooru to tell she was checking him out.

 ** _“¥1000.”_** _His lips twitches a little, instinctively he bites them to stop himself from running his mouth._ He flashes her a smile so plastic he would say it hurt his ego, but that was just how he was. He only ever let a select few know about how he was when expressing his genuine feelings and emotions, his friends, family, colleagues; _with that shit attitude of hers, she could try but failure was inevitable._

_“You told the man with the little girl earlier it was ¥1322.”_

**_“I read the label wrong.”_** Tooru didn't see the point in trying to pursue this conversation. _He takes the plush and puts it on the conveyor belt like everything else. She scans it, packages it in a bag and reads out the total required payment._

Tooru whom had enough of her biased attitude whips out a ¥5000 bills and places it on the counter. _No longer wearing his **“A million dollar smile”** he hisses out. _

_**“Keep the change.”** _

_Bitch._

 

 ** _“Hey!”_**  

Hajime's eyes scan his surroundings for the voice, his walking comes to a slow halt and Hanami can't help but stop too. From the doors of the grocery store he had just left with Hanami was a tall brunette jogging towards where the two of them currently stood. 

 _The faint glimmer of the afternoon sun ghosted over his tan skin and eyes as deep as the heart of the forested lands._ When those very eyes shifted and finally acknowledged Tooru's presence, a surge of understanding had calmed and further mystified him at the same time.

_He stands there with a heavy awkwardness, there's something so bodacious in that vulnerable look of his Tooru thinks._

_Asides from one of the grocery bags he carried, Hajime noticed the plush frog Hanami had wanted earlier right there in his hands._

_“Uhm, here.”_ His dark hair furled down the nape of his neck, his fringe tumbled down and covered a small portion of his forehead. Hajime couldn't tell what colour his hair was exactly, a mix of maple, chestnut, _maybe even coffee or mocha._ They swished gently as a chilling breeze blew past, _swaying with the words he speaks._

She had did what she always did when greeted by strangers, using Hajime as a shield between her and the tall handsome man. Her tiny hand rested against Hajime's thigh, her head peeping out as Tooru presents the frog to her. She eyes the thing with a yearnful look, yet the inner part of her  too timid to approach the man. Hajime rubs her head, as if in attempt to coax her out from behind. _When she refuses and hides her face into Hajime's thigh, Hajime could only let out a resigned sigh._

 _His eyes were the colour of deep sienna, with a mischievous glint that seemed to reflect the corners of his mouth._ They were every shade of brown Hajime could imagine, a raw umber and caramel mix, dotted with bits of dark chocolate. _**They glow with humour and playfulness that gave him shivers** , yet an undeniable tinge of warmth in the freezing afternoon._

 ** _He was a little taller than Hajime, well-built._ ** He seemed intimidating at first glance, but one whiff and Hajime knows he meant no harm. _He lacked the suffocating scent of an alpha, had eyes that carried concern rather than ill-intent._ He gave off a calming yet rich vanilla scent, those you would smell at a bakery.  _It reminded him of Takahiro, a beta who had the sweet smell of freshly baked profiteroles; or maybe even Issei, his partner who had a strong yet thick jasmine scent._

There was a natural aroma to it besides the overwhelming intensity of how concentrated it was, _but Hajime liked it._ Instead of making him feel all tense, _he felt he could relax himself a little._

_“The cashier lady lied about the price. It's only ¥1000.”_

_He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. **Tooru guessed he must have been used to that,**_ the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by an overcompensation of a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. _Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away._

 ** _“... Sorry if I seem nosey and all.”_** _Tooru sheepishly runs his head, **“It’s just that she seemed like she really wanted it.”**_ _His gaze falls to the ground, demeanour coy._ For someone who clicked instantaneously with almost anyone, Tooru found himself unusually flustered by the raven.

 _ **Who wouldn't though?**  Tooru dared say he looked breathtaking, especially when he was in full view of his face._ His hair moved like prairie grass in the wind. It gives contrast to his face, so dark against his soft brown skin. His expression gave the impression he didn't care about anything or anyone; the rough look he had, his furrowed brows. Tooru first thought was that he looked grumpy, frustrated even; _but saying that wasn't quite right. **It was more of a reservedness** , the conscious decision to observe what was happening before speaking his mind._

“No,” The voice was unexpected. **_“Thank you.”_ **_It was low, with an agreeable trace of huskiness and with a little more rough than what he had expected. **Yet**_ _ **it was soft,**_ a little shy and a maybe even a little embarrassed. His voice sounded like music under a summer breeze, almost lost against the noise of the evening traffic. _And somehow it took hold of Tooru, making him want to listen all the more._

The raven follows it up with a gentle smile that Oikawa could only describe as beautiful. _So comfortingly soft, **affectionate**._ It reminded him of the ones his mother used to give him as a kid, her special way of saying thank you whenever Tooru did something to help her.

 ** _“Hana, you have to say thank you.”_** _Beautiful black hair, freckled noses and cheeks and her eyes just as stunning as her father's._ She was a miniature version of the charming man with slightly more feminine features.

_No matter how much he tries to pull away, their eyes just seemed to constantly draw him back in._

And the more he looked, the more he realised the vast difference of the two. _How the little girl's was bright, bursting with life and energy;_ **_in them he could see nothing but joy, happiness, bliss. As if nothing could dull her sparkle and innocence with just how much hope he could see brimming in them._**

_She seemed shy and a tad bit nervous, but working with children in his line of work all the time told him that this girl still saw the good in people._

_She still remained unaware of how messed up humans actually were._

_As for the raven's, they were a little… **empty.** _

_They cradled an inkling of wistfulness,_ the soft glimmer betrayed by the solemnity and anguish in his voice. They weren't bustling with life and hope like his pup's, it was more like they had long vanished - _disappeared to leave in it's place an empty shell._

What he saw in those eyes reminded him of patients who struggled to cling onto to life, people who had lost their loved ones and grown numb. _He's seen too many people succumbing to the pressure that caves in and crushes them._

**_The hollowness in his eyes reminded him exactly of someone who had just given up; a person who no longer saw the point in trying, saw no need to stay strong._ **

_The girl had a smile on her face, she who had been hiding behind her Papa shyly manages to muster out a soft **“Thank you.”**_  

Tooru nods and reassures her with a smile. _Graciously,_ Hanami accepts the little frog plush, _hugging it in glee before turning to glance up at Hajime wearing a faint smile._

 _“Thank you,”_ His voice draws him back, snapping him back from his daze. **_“Really.”_ ** Hajime bows his head a little, and Tooru can't help but feel embarrassed for putting the raven in such an awkward scenario.

Who would go out of their way to buy a frog plush for a complete stranger? _Oikawa fucking Tooru. **He blamed it on his career as a doctor.**_

**_“It's nothing really, I know how hard things can get.”_ **

_Tooru had kind of figured out by then the raven was an omega by then._ It explained his scent earlier on, his reservedness, the lack of money. Sympathetic probably wasn't the right word, it was more of empathy. Tooru had never been oppressed, even if he was a beta and not an alpha. _He lived every day not having to worry about much, **even as a kid.**_

_As he was caught up in all these internal monologues and rambles. He is suddenly aware of the time. Tetsurou was probably waiting for him for his lunch and break ended in thirty minutes._

_With a sudden rush of panic,_ Tooru gives a hasty wave as he tripped and stumbled on the icy pavement.

_“I'm sorry but I've got to go.”_

**_“Duty calls.”_** He says with a grin that made Hajime's insides all buttery. Hajime could feel himself heat up a little. His voice was warm and rich; and the moment their eyes locked, Hajime's thinks his heart was beating faster than its design specs should allow.

 _Hanami giggles and squeaks out a high pitched **“Bye-bye.”**_ Waving her small petite fingers whilst hugging on to her new toy.

As soon as he smiled at him, Hajime could feel his fear whisk away like a bunch of fruit-flies caught in a heavy gust of wind. _For a split second, it felt like everything stopped and his smile pierced through all the bad in his life and all was well again._

_Hajime gives him a thankful look, and with an understanding nod, **he waved goodbye too.** _

 

* * *

 

_As they stroll back home groceries in tow, a part of Hajime secretly wished that maybe one day, **the two of them would hopefully meet the brunette once again.** _

 


	3. Drowning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I think I lost my mind a while ago_  
>  'Cause I've been seeing some ghosts  
>  _And I'd be lying if I told you I'm fine_  
>  _But I lie_  
>  _Yeah, these thoughts I would never speak out loud."_  
>  _\- Eden **[Drowning.]**_
> 
>  
> 
> _Are you really alive if you no longer have a reason for living?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I've been delaying this chapter, but if you follow me on Tumblr you would know I've been going through a very hard time and barely have time to update this because I need to focus on myself a little more. 
> 
> Well here it is and though the quality is kind of shit, it's really the best I can do for now. I don't know when I'll write the next chapter, but I promise it won't be too long of delay. I'm going through a really hard time physically and mentally, and I really want this to be something I enjoy doing and not an obligation.
> 
> Some things to note.  
> -Goma means Sesame in Japanese.  
> -Kuroo is a beta who joined the medical field a bit later than Oikawa.  
> \- Matsuhana are married, have been for 5 years.  
> \- Their kid, Mido, is adopted since they are a beta couple. They have had her for 4 years, since she was 5.
> 
> For now, I hope you enjoy chapter 3 of start//end.

**_“Took you long enough.”_ **

As he walks through the doors of the lounge, he is greeted by an almost stinging scent; _sharp, silky and a little tangy if he had to describe it._ Sat cross-legged on the lounge's couch was a raven with a undeniably odd quiff. Tooru nervously rubs the back of his head, flashing an awkward smile.

It wasn't his usual shitty-grin as Kuroo had described it, _it was too forced, lacked it's playful essence._ The heavy atmosphere, the stench of death. **_Too many had died in this place, It felt wrong to even fake a smile._**

_“Got caught in something.”_ **_Tetsurou eyes him with a doubtful glare before shrugging, the usual smug grin he would plaster was no longer there._ ** His eyes were dull and so was his spirit. No more jokes about how girls were obsessed with him even after Medical school, his ridiculous narcissistic tendencies, or even his crappy personality outside of work.

**_It wasn't right._ **

_He was tired. Tooru was tired._ Everyone who had been working their asses off at the hospital were tired.

Tooru tosses the bowl of noodles he got for the his friend before dragging himself over to where the microwave was. Tetsu mutters a soft thanks and Tooru acknowledges it with a quiet hum. Carefully, he removes the plastic from his microwavable bento, tossing the wrinkly old wrap into the bin as he popped the food into the microwave.

A peaceful silence envelopes, Tooru relishes it, soaking himself in the rare oosm of warmth.

**_“We lost another one.”_** _Tooru could hear the voice of someone who's seen too much._ He doesn't turn to look at his friend because he knows all he'd be greeted with will be the face of a man who has lost faith in humanity. _He doesn't want that, no one did._

_**“A little boy.”** _ Tetsurou forces out a chuckle. _**“He lived near my place,”** _ Tooru nods, hanging his head back a little. Tetsurou gets up from the position he had taken up on the couch, shuffling his feet over to the thermos flask with the hot water. His back laid hunched and his messy bed-head fringe pooled over his eyes, his scent seemed to grow faint, _and now, it was barely there._

_Without death, there is no life. Without life, there is no death._ That's what many people believed, and Tooru believed that to some extent, it was the truth. But death doesn't just steal one sole individual, it steals the life out of everything else that person has once loved. _It encases those around them in an empty, emotionless shell that makes them grow numb._

He knew too many people who were stuck somewhere between life and death, too scared to die, too weak to live. _**Death** \- no one knows how it feels, or what happens or where they go once they perish. And most of the time people are too busy to think about it until it's staring them straight in the face._

**_“... He was always running around causing trouble, sneaking over to play with Goma.”_ ** His voice softens, and Tooru notices how he had the hot water splattered on his skin. He doesn't flinch however, his body seemingly numb. Tooru wanted to empathise with his friend but he can't. _He had just learnt to get over each death without the need to mourn._

A pained laugh is all it took for Tooru to hear the hurt. **_“Even if he did shit, he wasn't a bad kid.”_** _The two of them went to medical school together, drunk together, graduated together._ They were close, and Tooru always knew his friend had a soft spot for kids; he was naturally good with them, and children fawned over him. **_“... He was just a kid,”_** _Losing kids here in the hospital had never been easy, because along with them, you could see the life of their parents and everyone the loved fading along too._

**_“And we couldn't save him because an alpha that came in was given priority.”_** Tetsurou looks up, turns towards Oikawa and meets his gaze. _The brunette could see the tinge of hatred that burned in his eyes, he knew that all too well._ _No matter how much he hated admitting it,_ their hospital was still one of the many governed under the rule that presented alphas were to be given medical priority under no exceptions. Betas were prioritised second in line, and unless a child had at least one alpha parent, they were prioritised last alongside omegas.

**_“He had a fucking punctured lung and shattered legs.”_ **_Tetsurou almost snaps, but he manages to restrain himself._ He wavers slightly, body quivering from the sprouting anger that resided within. **_“That fucking alpha had a damaged scent gland, and we chose to operate him over a boy who was fighting for his life.”_** _He steadies himself with the countertop, biting his lips, **“Tell me that isn't fucked Oikawa.”**_

_“You did everything you could.”_ Tooru moved a hand over to rub his friend's back; to see one a man he knew to be so strong, it hurt Tooru to see him like this. _Though he knew words wouldn't wash away the guilt, that was all he was able to offer as comfort. **“It wasn't your fault, you know that.”**_

**_“I could have saved him.”_ **_To decide who deserved a better chance of living from solely biological differences and political means of social division, the laws weren't far from fucked up._ Even if they craved the changes to remove the unnecessary rights of alphas, there was only so much they could do.

**_“But I didn't.”_ **

The silence that followed after was no longer something they wanted, cause now, silence was just a grim reminder of the laughs of children they'll no longer hear.

_ Tooru love what he did, but even sometimes, people can't help but find a reason to hate what the things they love. _

 

* * *

 

 

**_“Papa! Tulips or lilies?”_ **

_The little girl perks up from doodling on her little velociraptor notebook_ , she had her hair tied in a messy bun, floral clips decorating her little side bangs. _Her cute button nose sat perfectly in the middle of her face, her big round eyes a deep olive with pops of lime and emerald._

While the pasta was left to boil in the pot, he takes the chance to wipe his hands on a towel before moving to wash the mushrooms. He gently runs them under a soft flow, rubbing out dirt that had been trapped in the gills.

_“What for sweetheart?”_ A daughter is a precious gift in his Hajime's opinion. Even if sons were more sought after by families, Hajime thinks daughters were just as precious and worthy of love. _**Hanami was just that** , a person in her own right and Hajime loved her. He could never have asked for such a pup more precious than the one he is proud to call his._

**_“Flower crowns!”_ **_She has so many of his traits and silly habits, Hajime can't help but worry._ They were good at the same things, had the same interest, likes and dislikes, but she also had things Hajime didn't want her to have; _his clumsiness, bad immunity, brash personality._ The more he thought about it, the more Hiro and Issei were right on her being a miniature version of him. _**She was headstrong but awkward in social settings** ; liked Agedashi Tofu just like Hajime did, hated crunchy vegetables for some odd reason, and even had his odd habit of biting their lips too hard._

_She has all the desire to be free but with so many skills still to learn._ Of course she'll leave before she's ready, Hajime knows she will, and those last lessons will be the hardest of all. _But like the bird from the nest, sometimes the only way to find out if you can fly is to leap into the unknown and try._   


**_“Why not chrysanthemums?”_** When the mushrooms are washed he lays them carefully by the side. Picking up the knife, he begins slowly slicing them one by one, ** _“They smell nice and come in different colours too.”_**

**_“When you boil them and add some sugar, you can make tea.”_ ** Hanami gives Hajime her adorable **_“Oh”_** face, very innocently asking. _“Are those your favourite flowers Papa?”_

_Hajime pauses for awhile, as if pondering for a moment,_ **_“Maybe, I never really thought about it.”_ ** He never really thought about small things like this, maybe that was one of the differences the two shared. Hanami had always been the one to think about the smaller things, appreciate the finer details, _Hajime focused more on reality, looked at the bigger picture._

**_“They're just really nostalgic I guess.”_ **

_Hanami scrunches her face, confusion bubbling over her once cheery expression._ **_“...N-Nolsaltgic?”_** _Big words didn't seem to roll off her tongue very well,_ but she always did try her best to say all of them.

Hajime harps out a little laugh. “Nostalgic sweetie.” He briefly closes his eyes, reminiscing, _but_ even _remembering hurt._ He gives a sad smile, but thankfully Hana didn’t seem to notice. _His heart stung momentarily,_ **_“It means longing for something in the past.”_**

Hanami places her little hand onto Hajime's arm, offering all the comfort she could. Her voice quietens, **_“... Do you miss someone Papa?”_** _Another thing she got from him, she was sharp and understood facial cues._ Lying to her had never been a reliable option, she could easily see through it if Hajime didn't try hard enough.

_He chuckles, offering her his motherly smile._ **_“Not really._** ” Hanami had made her way right next to way Hajime was, she peeks over the counter to watch him. _Hanami could never see the world through his eyes, and mostly it was a good thing that she couldn't. She sees excitement and possibilities; **he sees danger and a world of uncertainty**._  

_“It's a silly thing to miss.”_

Hajime continues slicing the mushroom, humming now. Hanami hums along too, tapping on her Papa's arm. ** _“What is it Papa?”_**

_“It’s complicated Hana.”_  Hajime brushes her off, he didn't want burdening his pup with thing that she probably wouldn't understand. _Hanami frowns but doesn't probe_ , Hajime sensing her disappointment, bends down to peck her on the cheek. **_“Maybe another time okay?_**

Three knocks on the door is enough to catch Hajime's attention, looking back down on the half-chopped mushrooms, he urges Hanami, **_“Get the door for now?”_**

_“Okay!”_ Bouncing along towards the door, she swipes the key from the little table. She stumbled a little from moving too fast, but quickly regained her composure. With a little bit of effort, she manages to smooth slide the key into the keyhole. When she opens it, she is greeted by two familiar faces. **_“Hello!_** ” _She sings almost, Takahiro and Issei return her warm welcome with a proud smile._

**_“How's my little cream puff? Come here.”_ ** Takahiro crouches down, enveloping the little girl in a hug. Hanami happily hugs back, as giggly as ever. _Issei snorts, patting the little girl on the head._

**_“Have you been good?”_ ** _Cheeks flushed, she nods._

Behind them was a girl a little over her age, she had pretty rustic blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. Hanami smiles at the sight of her.

**_"Mido-nee!"_ **

_"Hello Hanami-chan."_ They could say Hanami quite literally ran into the other girl's arms. Hanami had always adored her, Hajime often joked she was no doubt infatuated with Hiro and Issei's kid. _To her, Mido was the coolest thing besides her Papa._

**_"You're here."_** _He walks in on Issei and Hiro trying to hold a disapproving look, but their restraint had quickly bubbled out of control._ Hiro nearly starts chortling when he sees how Mido was squishing Hana to death, yet the bouncy pup didn't seem to pay much mind.  

**_“Dinner is nowhere near ready, I thought you said five.”_ **

**_"We came to help."_** _Issei lifts a grocery bag, grinning a grin that meant nothing good. **“Figured you might need it.”**_ _Takahiro interjects, **"And since we were bored to death at home after finishing the newest episode of Hell’s kitchen, we need to try some of the recipes out."**_

**_“Touché.”_ ** _Mattsun makes an okay sign with his hand before smacking Hajime hard on the back._

**_"No. You're gonna burn down my kitchen."_ ** The two girls run off giggling away. _Hajime could here her chirp on about the frog plush she had got earlier on in the day, and how Mido was busy cooing at her._

_The beta couple give an offended look,_ ruffling Hajime's hair while pulling him into a side hug. **_“Excuse you, we are sophisticated adults who can easily cook an edible meal.”_ ** They plant nice platonic kisses along his head, tickling his sides to get some laughs out of him.

_“We made Mac and cheese just yesterday.”_ **_Hajime rolls his eyes, secretly warmed by his friends’ affection._** He loved their company no matter how annoying they could be, and he was pretty sure the two of them knew that.

**_"You two burnt soup."_ ** _Making disapproving hissing noises, Hajime struggles to keep in the giggles when the two of them started tickling him._

**_“The more I look at you the more I think you’re a living zombie_ ** **_.”_ ** _Hanami deadpans, stopping to pinch Hajime's face and make odd expressions with it. Issei stops too, snickering._

**_“Have you been sleeping at all?”_ ** Hajime tries pushing his friend off, giving half-hearted laughs.  _ “ _ **_I’m trying_ ** _.” The strawberry-blonde remains skeptical, worry overtaking his playful, humorous side. Now all Hajime could see was the face of a concerned friend towering over his vision squishing his face. Hanamaki simply wasn't convinced, especially not after seeing the bad eyebags Hajime had. He knew his friend had issues so; **the night terrors, depressive episodes, insomnia, but this?** This was beyond bad and it's not his fault for worrying. _

**_“We’ll worry you know mister-I-think-I'm-so-strong.”_ **

**_“I know.”_ ** He had arguably one of the most finely shaped facial features one could have possibly put together to make a face. When he smiled it contrasted nicely to the usual gloom or sense of longing he usually had. But when he didn't, there was nothing but a broken man who had seem to lose every glimmer of hope.

_ “You don't have to.” _

**_The smile Hajime gave them hurt more than it should have assured them, but not wanting to contribute to the sombre mood, they can't help but smile back too._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream at me over on my Tumblr @nyciel.
> 
> I post art and Headcanons over there so you can check them out.


	4. Soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"And it breaks my heart_  
>  _to be so left behind at the start_  
>  _when I always thought I'd be so much further._  
>  _So far away from here._  
>  _So I'm HK bound_  
>  _But it means nothing to me cause I feel at home_  
>  _When theres no one left to scream at all I've done_  
>  _But I've learned to let fear go_  
>  _Cause all I've done,_  
>  _Cause all I've done,_  
>  _Cause all I've done is give the world mine."_  
>  - _ **Eden [Soul.]**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darn, it's been a long time since I've updated this. But that's because this chapter was more challenging and longer to write, not just because of my personal schedule, but because this chapter is more personal than others. If you have known me long enough, you would know that I tend to incorporate quite a large portion of my personal experiences and stories into my fics. Happy, angry or sad, I express it through my writing.
> 
> Right now, I'm still in a dark place. I'm struggling to come to terms with my mental issues, my appearance, my personality. The things I lack in many ways.
> 
> What I wanted for this chapter was to go more in depth into the relationships Hajime has, right now in particular, Hanami and Kindaichi. I kind of want to show the importance of family and platonic comfort, something many people seem to brush aside.
> 
> Me and a good friend were having a conversation of how many people seem to forget that even with this secondary gender. The Characters are inevitably still themselves, and I really hoped I managed to portray that here. Though I can't guarantee anything.
> 
> The front part may be a bit confusing as I switch POVs between Hajime and Hanami quite a lot. So just take it slow and it will be easier to digest.
> 
> Notes for this chapter:  
> \- For those who were wondering, this is the population distribution stats for the 3 secondary genders. Betas make up the bulk of it, 75%. Alphas are 15% and Omegas are 10%.  
> \- Hajime is a small clerk for a well-known corporation.  
> \- Yuuta is Kindaichi. It's just a shorter alternative to Yuutarou. [Kindaichi Yuutarou.]  
> \- Tooru makes a small appearence.
> 
> I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I apologize if you feel disappointed in it. The Oiiwa interaction is coming very soon, I promise.
> 
>  **Trigger Warning:** _Suicidal Thoughts, Implied Self-Harm, Sexual Harassment._

_**The little girl rubs at her eyes trying her best to wake herself up for the morning.** Clutched in between her arms and chest was the frog plush she had gotten awhile ago. She tries opening her eyes, just a tiny little bit, but the morning sunlight that invaded her room glared fiercely and she can't help but tumble back into the darkness. **She tries again, this time, turning away from where the light was**. _

_Slowly, she starts to visualise a soft yet vibrant cardinal colour, her Papa's voice._ Though her head was occupied with the visual perception of what she heard, the soothing resonance of his singing couldn't help wriggle its way there too.

 ** _The voice made her all fuzzy, bubbling with unexplainable urge to sing along._ ** _It was warm, silky. **It flooded her with happiness and hope in contrast to the solemnity winter was supposed to bring.**_

Slowly and reluctantly, she uncovers her face. _She blinks, closes her eyes, **blinks again.**_ She sits up, drags her feet off the bed, rubs her knuckles onto her eyes. _She stretches a little and yawns before watching her legs dangle above the grey polyester carpet._

She stumbled a little as she gets up and trudges out of her room, the sweet, savory aroma wafted through the cool winter air. Her stomach clenched with hunger at the thought of sweet, maple syrup and her Papa's fluffy pancakes. _A wondrous amber and chocolate, smooth earthy tones that pleased her visually; it reminded her of the moist soil of autumn，when Hajime brought her around the Miyagi prefecture via the railway. **It was one of her favourite days spent with her Papa.**_

She waddles out of her room, into the living area instead.

**_“... Morning Papa.”_ **

Hanami watches him perk up from scribbling something on what she made out to be another one of his reports. His hair stuck out at weird angles, but hers was no better. _She had his hair after all, and even if it could be terribly hard to tame, she loved it. She takes her usual seat next Hajime, placing froggie in the chair next to her._

 ** _“Morning sweetheart.”_ **_Hajime lays the pen on table, bending over to give Hanami her morning forehead kiss._ Hanami whimpers a little, upset by the sudden wet sensation on her forehead. **_“Did you sleep well?”_ **_A groggy nod, picking up her little fork and butter knife, she carefully cuts her pancakes into small pieces._

Her eyes begin to wander as she did so; _the couch, the television, the coffee table._ It wasn't close to being big, a simple apartment with two bedrooms and a decent enough living area, kitchen, restroom. _Hanami loved it either way, with Papa around, nothing else seemed to matter._ It didn't bother her that they didn't have a washing machine or dryer; she liked trips to the laundromat with her Papa. _She never complained about the lack of air-conditioning too; she knew how much Papa would have to pay for them and she was simply contented with the small panda fan Hajime had bought for her._

Sat in the middle of the table was a vase filled with flowers Shimizu-nee brought from her shop just yesterday, scattered around it was more of Hajime's reports. His day-based organizer for his medication sat closely to the edge of the table.

 _“I added some chocolate chips for you.”_ Hajime's palms slip to rub her cheeks, massaging them in awkward tiny circles. Hanami leans into the warmth, cupping Hajime's palms with both of hers. The little nubs between each joint were calloused, freckled with burns from the times he scalded himself on accident; the abrasions that were on the verge of forming, the reddish skin layering his knuckles. _Or maybe the long thin cicatrixes decorating his wrists, dull despite Hajime's tan._

He smiles before returning to the report. _“Don’t eat them too fast, they're still warm and you might burn yourself.”_

Hanami had made it a point to add a skittle to each compartment so Papa's pills didn't seem so dull.   _When he found out, he teared up. He wouldn't stop apologising to Hanami over and over again, **but all Hanami asked for was for Papa to get better.**_ Hiro and Issei found out a few days later, they would make sure to get a pack for her every now and then; she had been scrimping her pocket money prior to that and they thought it was incredibly sweet of her.

She does as her Papa says and eats them slowly, savouring the sweet velvety treat that almost seemed to melt in her mouth. It was nice and fluffy as always, light enough that it settled well in her tummy. Hajime was an amazing cook, he could bake treats or whip up some of the simplest yet tastiest dishes. Hana loved whatever he made, she liked helping where she could to. The two of them treated cooking and baking as an activity they bonded over, Hanami learned quickly and so it was a fun activity for the both of them.

The downside to all this, he was really clumsy and somehow always managed to hurt himself by accident. Hanami often chides him for not being careful enough but still promises Papa with get well kisses. _When he writes, his eyes are barely opened. The dark eye-bags under his eyes were so dark they would have almost passed off as mascara. They were a little puffy too, like he had been crying again. **Hanami hated it when Papa cried; she hated seeing Papa sad.**_

_When she cried, Papa would hug her and sing to her till she fell asleep. He'd make her her favourite Tofu, spoiled her with kisses. **Hanami saw him as the bravest person in the world, the best anyone could be.** _

_He wasn't scared of the dark._

**_(He was.)_ **

_He was fine being alone._

**_(He wasn't.)_ **

_He was the strongest person in the world._

**_(That's far from the truth.)_ **

_… **How could the strongest person Hanami knew be one of the saddest?** _

_He had taken up another job as a waiter recently to help stabilise their financial situation, but that meant more late nights and less rest._ Thankfully he had Shimizu and Hitoka who lived in the apartment opposite of theirs. Even though they worried about how little he was taking care of himself, the two of them try easing the weight he had carrying around by volunteering to take care of Hanami.

It relaxed him significantly knowing he didn't have to worry about leaving Hanami at home all alone, but a part of his couldn't help but feel guilty for neglecting time with her.

 _Hanami frowns at the sight of the scars, even if the wounds had long healed, the pain was still there._ **_She knew her Papa was hurting. He has been for a very long time now._ **_The nights Hana finds him cooped up in his room, staring absentmindedly out of his window; **the muffled sobbings, the forgotten pills.** Her Papa has been hurting for too long, he's been hurting so much, **for the pretence everything was going to be alright, for the humble assurances there was nothing to worry about**. She was young but she understood, **Papa was hurting, and he was hurting so she didn't have to.**_

 _ **“... Your papa is sick.”** Uncle Issei had once told her._ She was confused as to why Papa  had to go to a special hospital even though he didn't have a fever or flu. _She was younger then and maybe she didn't quite understand, but Issei and Takahiro made it a point to tell her because they believed she deserved to know._ **_“It's just like when you get a fever, but it doesn't really go away.”_ ** Uncle Issei had brought her and Mido out for ice cream because Papa had to see the doctor with Uncle Hiro accompanying him.

 ** _“It’s called depression Hana.”_** _Uncle Issei explained to her that it was something in her Papa's brain that made him feel sad all the time, even if he didn't want to._ He had to take medication to help him just like if she was down with a cold, and if he didn't, Uncle Issei said he would have _“Withdrawal Symptoms.”_ There were so many big words and Hanami couldn't understand. _The only thing she wanted to know is why Papa had to be sad._

 ** _“What’s wrong sweetie?”_ **_His eyes showed the kind of concern any loving parent would have._ He spoke with such a soft voice Hanami felt like she was wrapped up by a nice comfy blanket, the gentleness and patience, as mystifying as any lullaby.

She places her cutlery back onto the table, reaching out for Hajime. Hajime flashes a worried frown, carrying her onto his lap.

_The moment she’s there, Hanami buries her face into his chest, hugging tightly onto his sweater. She shakes her head, reluctant on inching away._

**_“You can tell me anything Hana,”_ **_Hajime runs his fingers through her hair, combing her fringe and bangs away from her face, **“Is something wrong?”**_ _He couldn't really blame anyone but himself for her stubbornness, it was embedded in his genes after all._ _Just like how she was easily timid and afraid of strangers, he just had to come up with ways to coax her out of it._

 ** _Papa hadn't been coming home early anymore._ ** Ever since the job at the diner, he's been coming home later and later. No matter how exhausted he was, he never failed to check on her. _Occasionally even sing her a lullaby, make sure she was nicely tucked into bed. Papa would think she was soundly asleep, truth is, she never really could have fallen asleep if she didn't know her Papa was back home._

**_“Hanami?”_ **

_Hanami had always been a sensitive child, not in the sense that she was easily offended or upset, but rather her maturity to take in and comprehend the heaviness of a situation. **She understood the concept of death, the entire messed up hierarchical system, what it's like to be oppressed.**_ Hajime worries she knew too much for her age, that maybe exposing her to all this would dampen her spirit and trust in the world. _Surprisingly, it never bothered her too much, **as easily as she was disheartened by it, she would accept it and move on just as quickly.**_

 ** _“Hey.”_ **_A moment later Hajime is confused and even more concerned when his pup starts sniffling into his sweater._ He pulls her head closely to his chest, motherly instincts taking over. **_“What's wrong baby girl?”_**

Hajime always knew more than he let on, unlike other parents he would never say ** _"I told you so,"_** _or tried to belittle the intensity of Hanami's feelings._ He was that listening ear, the one who would wrap her in love just with her soft voice and assuring words. _Hanami believed everyone needs a Papa like hers, **selfless，kind-hearted a never depleting repository of love.**_

 ** _“Are you not feeling well?”_ ** She shakes her head again, this time slowly looking up towards Iwaizumi. _Hajime presses the back of his hand to her forehead and neck, checking for signs of a fever._ It wasn't like her to act all gloomy and worried was a clear understatement, _for his usual ball of sunshine to be distressed by something she didn't seem keen on telling him, **it wasn’t something he could blatantly ignore.**_

 ** _“Papa.”_ ** Without any warning whatsoever, Hanami wraps her tiny arms around Hajime's neck before hiding her face into his neck.

 ** _“Please don’t be sad anymore.”_ **_Those words were more than enough to weigh down the heart that wall already on the brink of falling apart._ His eyes lose their colour, their vibrant hue. He had been brought up in foster homes, _many of them._ Being constantly shuffled around, he had never truly understood what it's like to be loved and to love. The orphanage he grew up in was nothing but a palace of unpleasant memories; _**neglected to the extent he feared the concept of love for a very long time.** He was touched-starved for almost all his life, never taking the concept of physical contact too well; it was so engraved into him, he had merely learned to reject it, like a foreign substance. **An unwanted dose of affliction.**_

 ** _“I won't make you worry anymore Papa.”_** _He had never known what love was until that cold October morning in the hospital 6 years ago. The moment he held his pup, he knew she was his; **his flesh, his blood, his own.**_ The most perfect feeling he had ever known had swept through him. He was rocked to his core, he knew he would do anything in the world for her. **_He would be her hero, her keeper, the one who gave her cuddles and kept her safe._**

 _“Please don't be sad-”_ She pulls away with tears already half-formed, _Hajime brushes a finger under them, ridding her of the tears._

 _ **“Silly girl.”** He says._ Whenever Hanami cried Hajime felt a part of him break along with her; _he didn't want that for Hana, **to be burdened by all this unnecessary thoughts.**_ Hajime pulls her close, dancing little fairy kisses down the side of her head. _His pup whimpers, and he tried so desperately not to break down with her._

_He'd be strong for her._

****

_P̶̣̭̠̩͇̠͎̠̾̓̊̔̉̔͌͌͂͠͝ͅa̶̢̢̡̧̖̘̦͖͎̦͈̯̙̭̿̐t̵͈̝̻̻̜̱̗̭͌̅͘͝ͅh̷͔̦̲̫͎͌͌̓̓̓͘͝e̷̢̱̥̱͕̗̫͍͔͂̒̎͋̍͂͆͌͠͝t̸̡̙̰͇̤̞͍̣̫͔̘͚͔͒̂͐̆̈̉̃͛̀̈́̑̓͠͝͠ͅi̸̡̡͉̟̮̱̞̭̭̙̠̜̐̚͝c.̸̛̠̆͐̿͒̿̈̈͠P̶̣̭̠̩͇̠͎̠̾̓̊̔̉̔͌͌͂͠͝ͅa̶̢̢̡̧̖̘̦͖͎̦͈̯̙̭̿̐t̵͈̝̻̻̜̱̗̭͌̅͘͝ͅh̷͔̦̲̫͎͌͌̓̓̓͘͝e̷̢̱̥̱͕̗̫͍͔͂̒̎͋̍͂͆͌͠͝t̸̡̙̰͇̤̞͍̣̫͔̘͚͔͒̂͐̆̈̉̃͛̀̈́̑̓͠͝͠ͅi̸̡̡͉̟̮̱̞̭̭̙̠̜̐̚͝c̸̛̠̆͐̿͒̿̈̈͠.P̶̣̭̠̩͇̠͎̠̾̓̊̔̉̔͌͌͂͠͝ͅa̶̢̢̡̧̖̘̦͖͎̦͈̯̙̭̿̐t̵͈̝̻̻̜̱̗̭͌̅͘͝ͅh̷͔̦̲̫͎͌͌̓̓̓͘͝e̷̢̱̥̱͕̗̫͍͔͂̒̎͋̍͂͆͌͠͝t̸̡̙̰͇̤̞͍̣̫͔̘͚͔͒̂͐̆̈̉̃͛̀̈́̑̓͠͝͠ͅi̸̡̡͉̟̮̱̞̭̭̙̠̜̐̚͝c̸̛̠̆͐̿͒̿̈̈͠.P̶̣̭̠̩͇̠͎̠̾̓̊̔̉̔͌͌͂͠͝ͅa̶̢̢̡̧̖̘̦͖͎̦͈̯̙̭̿̐t̵͈̝̻̻̜̱̗̭͌̅͘͝ͅh̷͔̦̲̫͎͌͌̓̓̓͘͝e̷̢̱̥̱͕̗̫͍͔͂̒̎͋̍͂͆͌͠͝t̸̡̙̰͇̤̞͍̣̫͔̘͚͔͒̂͐̆̈̉̃͛̀̈́̑̓͠͝͠ͅi̸̡̡͉̟̮̱̞̭̭̙̠̜̐̚͝c̸̛̠̆͐̿͒̿̈̈͠.̙_

 

_He wouldn't for her._

 

_K̴̪͉̱͖̭̲̜̱̇̿̋̓́̄͠͠ī̵̱̬̳̦̗̺̓ͅl̴̻͇̦̔̇͋͆͂͒͐̋̋̂l̷̫̳̟̱̈́͂̄̊̇͠ ̶̡̞̜̰̳̺̬͖̒̏̋͋̓̑̏y̴̖͚͊̊ọ̴̦͊̅̅̾̚͝u̸̧̧̥̥͔͇͈̦̕r̸̨̳̙͔̳̘̜̯̟̀̄͗̎͝s̶̡̱̤̠̰̔̊͑̈́͋̓̍͠͠͝ͅè̸͎͕̞̘̫̘̙̣̕ͅļ̸̰͔͊̿̈́̓̓̒̒̌f̴̝͖̯̑͂̆..̴͖͋͒̽̈́̔̒̍͐͛K̴̪͉̱͖̭̲̜̱̇̿̋̓́̄͠͠ī̵̱̬̳̦̗̺̓ͅl̴̻͇̦̔̇͋͆͂͒͐̋̋̂l̷̫̳̟̱̈́͂̄̊̇͠ ̶̡̞̜̰̳̺̬͖̒̏̋͋̓̑̏y̴̖͚͊̊ọ̴̦͊̅̅̾̚͝u̸̧̧̥̥͔͇͈̦̕r̸̨̳̙͔̳̘̜̯̟̀̄͗̎͝s̶̡̱̤̠̰̔̊͑̈́͋̓̍͠͠͝ͅè̸͎͕̞̘̫̘̙̣̕ͅļ̸̰͔͊̿̈́̓̓̒̒̌f̴̨̝͖̯̑͂̆._

 

_That's right. **For her.** _

 

_E̷̤̍̋̔̆̑̇̏̑̽̈́͘͘ń̶̗̰̞̱̼͎͔̭̗̘̞̱̣͚͕̤̳͈̩̗̽̃̈̆̿͜͠d̶̡̳̠̺̝́͐͒̋͠ ̸̛̛̥͈͚̞̥̼̮̓̆̽̏́̄̆͗̇̂̍̚͘i̷̡̡̨̭̩̯͙͉̼̩̻̙͕̩̞̽͊̂͗̋͘ţ̷̛̛̝̬̲̪̈́̿̓͂̏̄͂͘͝͝.̴̬̅̌Ȩ̷͇̞͚̫̥͓̯͉̗̏̾̇͗̽͗̐̍̇̆̅̄̌̈́̔͌̚͠Ṅ̶̛͔̝̳̩͇̫̩̺̬͍̺̯͖̘̭̺̥͕̜͓̬̫̤̤̯̪̱̪́̀̒͒̓̈̌͋͒͜Ḑ̴͉͈͙̌̑͆͒̅̀͛̾̊̀̓̾̑̔̏̾̾̈́͘͘͝͝ ̸̧̡̳̜̘͖̰̳̬̲̰̻͔͎̰͊͐͛̈́͜Į̵̨̨̣̹̞̝̹͇͔̙̲̭̹̖̖̝̜̻̥̞̲̬̝̱͌̅͛̋̊̂̀̃͗̆̈́͝͝͠ͅT̸̨̢̨̡̡̡̟̪͙̬̙͎̻̤̮̦̭̹̤̹̩͚͇̹̥̤̳̠̞͌̍̈́͒͒̒̏̈́͊̆́͛̏̿̿̑̿͒̾̽̃̕͜͠͝.̶̧̛͍̱̝̪͉̰̜̺̣͕̲̮͇̭̿̀͋̎͑͂̂̾̅͒̃̋̄͗̀̊͝͝_

 

He gently caresses his daughter's cheek, intertwining his fingers with her long black hair. _He rocks her back and forth as if she was just so fragile, struggled words morphed into faint whispers._

**_“It's never your fault Hanami.”_ **

_The feeling is strange; **too familiar yet too strange.**_ Depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It's the pain that's too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and so misunderstood. _He can't escape it no matter how hard he tries, because it follows him around like a death itself，slowly rilping apart his insides, **killing him.**_

 

**_“... None of this is ever your fault."_**

 

* * *

 

 

**_“Are you aware of the spot you put the hospital in for breaching protocol?”_ **

_Tooru clicks his tongue, feet rhythmically tapping the floor out of annoyance at this point._ He fiddles with his ID card attached to his waist belt, tugging on the string, twisting it around his finger.  
  
**_“Yes.”_ **

_He's right. He knows he is._ He knows he made the right judgment but they won't listen. He could explain all damn day and they still won't get it, **_selfish fucks._ ** His face was rigid, jaw clamped tight, teeth grinding. In their warped logic, his anger means they're right. _Just because they kept their cool it doesn't prove the veracity of their argument._

**_“And you do know this isn't the first time you've breached protocol, right Oikawa?”_ **

It goes on, them feeling superior and him never altering the status quo no matter how hard he tried.

**_“... Yes.”_ **

Instead of giving them the pleasure of seeing him cave in to their superiority, he just replied as if his jaws were wired shut. He had no regrets of what he did. He made the conscious decision to prioritise an omega involved in a car crash over an alpha with severe chest pains. _Did he think the alpha’s difficulties were unimportant? **No.**_ His final choice to first save the omega was merely based on the probability of the two of them getting out all alive and well. _One's secondary gender shouldn't even be a factor to determine priority in a simple situation like this._

 ** _“You're one of the best a beta can possibly be,”_ **_The man sat in the armchair showed clear signs of balding._ His voices wasn't smooth or silky like how it shouldn't have been; clear signs of heavy drinking, lack of sleep. First glance and no one would think that this man was the director of a hospital. **_“A breakthrough in this pursuit of a medical career.”_ ** He genuinely hopes that by some great miracle of force, their brains would implode inside their skull. Doubting his judgement when they were no where present in the situation vexed him. _Who were they to say his call was the less appropriate decision? **Who were they to think an omega was less worthy of human than an alpha?**_ _They hadn't any right;_ **it went against all morals a human should have.**

**_“You need to look at the bigger picture here Oikawa.”_ **

The glare he sends the director would almost seem provocative, but he's worked here long enough for the man to know it was just in his character to question superiority. Quietly, he sighs, massaging his temples; _the fire in that boy's eyes, the fuelling hatred for the unjust way their country was being governed. Even if he was an alpha, **there was something in this beta that couldn't help but strike a nerve**._

 ** _“Although it pains me to do this,”_** _The man clears his throat, averting Tooru's fierce gaze._ Tooru sat in the opposite seat, quietly waiting for him to continue. **_“The board has decided that for now, we are to suspend you of your doctorate duties unless met again with unforeseeable circumstances.”_** Biologically, he was meant to be viewed as inferior; _to be seen as less in any aspect compared to that of an alpha. **To be less assertive, less outspoken.**_

_“Anything else?”_

Tooru could tell the man was nervous from how intensely he was staring at him; _and as a matter of fact, **that was exactly what he wanted.**_ He was expected to comply without questions, serve without a second thought of how his actions reflected the true nature of the ** _“Ideal”_ ** society. _Betas were viewed as the bottom line to determine the chemically programmed flaws in a human. Outcasts? Royalty? **Or just… average?**_

_Everything was really just a load of bullcrap._

**_“You're suspension will span over a month,”_ ** He slides an envelope across the desk, facial expression numb. **_“Here's the notice.”_** _Tooru accepts it ungrudgingly_. Quickly, he stands up, brushing the imaginary dust off his doctor's coat.

**_"Right."_ **

_He was supposed to be so many things but he wasn't. And that was what made him Oikawa Tooru. **An equal to any alpha.** _

 

 

**_“What?!”_ **

**_“What do you mean you got suspended?!”_ ** Tooru had already foreseen the upset reaction he would get from the raven. _He unknowingly shrugs, ignoring the beta’s protests before snaking past._ Unamused, Tetsurou catches up right behind him.

When Tetsurou is within close enough distance from him, Tooru hands him his suspension notice. _He furrows his brows, unfolding the piece of paper, and it doesn't take him long to skim through its contents,_

 ** _“This is bullshit!”_ **_Tooru feigns a laugh, greeting colleagues he passed along the way._ Both betas stroll down the corridors back to the doctor's lounge, Tooru hunched but Tetsurou upright. His friend made exaggerated gestures as he went on, shovelling his fingers through his hair.

**_“A one month suspension? Have they lost it?!”_ **

Mornings likes these were usually no doubt one of the quietest times of the day; _however, it was nice hearing the chitter-chattering of the patients in contrast to the silence that usually envelopes._ **_As morbid as it sounded, death brought people together._**

 ** _“As much as I hate admitting it, this place is a fucking mess without you!”_ **_The bark of his voice surprised him, nothing like he had ever heard in a long while._ The last time he recalled Tetsurou being this mad was back in University. _His friend was clearly upset and Tooru was undeniably guilty._

 ** _“Save the swears for later Tetsu-chan.”_ **_They walk down a corridor of windows, he glances outside to catch a glimpse of the Hospital's garden._ Every surface, every inch of greenery coated in the the cold powdered dust. When he gazes into the distance he sees the low fog that clings, hiding the homes at the top of the street; _he feels it too - **winter's breath on his skin.**_

 ** _“Just treat it like I'm taking a break.”_** _The two of them stop in front of an elevator, mood tense._ Tooru presses the button before assuring his friend with a faint laugh, **_“One month will fly by quicker than you think you know.”_**

_**_They step into the lift, silence overtaking the_ ** tension. Tooru closes his eyes, relishing the almost foreign sensation of ease. _

_**“Aren't you upset?”** He asks. His face angled to Tooru’s. _

_The cold that had seemed mild at first now numbed his face and extremities._ With each breath more heat rose in puffs of white vapour, the heat dissipating into the whiteness.

The brunette leans back, resting his sore neck against the confines of the elevator. _He pauses for a moment. **Quiet.**_

_Tetsurou waits, his withered expression undecipherable._

**_“Not really.”_ **

_Even though the heat whisks away leaving him pale, his blood still runs warm._

_**“I've just grown numb.”** _

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _The morning was as old as the coffee on his desk._ **_His facial expression was cadaver-like, not just sagged but as if he had left his spirit snuggling under the duvet._ **_His eyelids drooped and there was a slight lolling to his head, **drunk with fatigue.**_ _His feet barely skimmed the tile and altogether his limbs bore the appearance of being too heavy for him, like he was personally struggling against far more gravity than everyone else._

He tapped it's murky surface to break the thickening skin and watched the new gap grow. The frigid brown drink dripped from his finger, the ripples spreading toward the rim in ever larger circles. He stills craves a subtle undertone of hazelnut and his cup to be a brighter colour with cardboard around it to protect his fingers from the heat. _Instead it is this instant muck, served warm in polystyrene -_ ** _apathy served without a smile._ ** It suits this place though, matched the beige walls and the cluttered desks; it's as welcoming as the unguarded strip lights and the worn blue carpet. _The only thing alive in the office was a ticking clock, **he thinks everyone else died some time ago.**_

**_“Iwaizumi.”_ **

_The raven recognises the voice. Since, he's heard it almost everyday, his brain practically registers the voice by instinct._ He looks up from the pile of papers he had scattered on his desk. He stifles a sigh, cracks his knuckles, before removing his reading glasses and setting them down on the report he was working on. _Before he could breathe out a reply, another pile of files were chucked onto his desk._

 ** _“Boss wants these reviewed and rearranged by 2.”_** Hajime habitually stiffens at the nauseating scent of cigarettes and smoke. _The alpha's fingers had made its way down Hajime's lower back, and the raven can't help but recoil._ **_However, it's not long before they find their way on his there again, rotating in small circles left and right._ **_He doesn't look up, doesn't offer a greeting like he probably should; **he waits for the alpha to declare what he wanted before he too decided to speak.**_

 _The alpha found pleasure in what he did, sexually harassing people like him in the office_. No how many times he's been reported to the higher ups, it just comes back as ** _“That's just what he's like.”_ **_He could see some of his co-workers watching on with concerned expressions, yet none had dared initiate any contact with the two._ Hajime didn't blame them for keeping silent, most of them were either betas, _or omegas like him._ If things got out of hand, they could get a pay cut, or worse, lose their job. **_It was only right for them stay out of it._**

_Some of them were victims too. **He knows that.** _

_The alpha's face drops towards Hajime's ear, breath hot on Hajime neck._ _The raven shivers, not from the warmth but the heavy alpha scent._ **_He hates it, it irks him, he wants to move away, but he can't._ **_The fingers continue its way up, now brushing against his cheek._ **_“... Get on it once you're done with the reports alright?”_**

 _His eyes flicker to the office clock; **two past twelve.**_ Lunch break started at one, ended by half past two. Hanami finished school by 1:30, but with lunch hour, stations were going to be packed. It would take him at least half an hour to reach her Kindergarten on time, _and that is if no other delays are thrown into the equation._

 _ **“I can't.”** His voice is calm, awfully composed._ He gets it, he was a single parent and an omega. Neither of them did well to alleviate his social situation. He wasn't complaining about working hard, even if he was barely paid above minimum wage. _Working treacherously long hours, dealing with incompetent assholes who couldn't keep their fucking hands to themselves, **he could deal with that.**_ As long as he made enough money for Hanami to have a decent childhood, _he knew he just had to try and suck it up._

 ** _“I have to pick up my kid.”_ **_He hesitates cause he is aware of what is the possible answer he would receive once he had said his piece._ **_Apathetic, ignorant, disgusting._ **_Those were what he thought about every asshole in his office._

 ** _“And we have a company to run Hajime.”_ **_There was just no end to this guy's bullshit, sexual predators like him were such an issue because only a quarter of them got legally sentenced every year._ **_The rest scamper around like hungry mice carrying a foul scent that lingers no matter how hard you try and scrub it away._**  Nothing but an unwanted pest. _The man shrugs,_ picking at a photo that stood against the wall of Hajime's little cubicle. He wasn't a fan of people touching his stuff, _an alpha who threw his weight around didn't make it any better,_ but there's two things he learned working in a shit hole for five years; _you either shut up and keep your opinions to yourself, or talk back and risk losing your entire job._

**_“You know that don't you?”_ **

_Oh how tempting it was to take that risk._

**_“I’ve told you before. Don't call me that.”_ **

He looks at the photograph one last time before setting it back down. Hanami had her hair tied in little pigtails in the photograph, Hajime had brought her to the beach for her birthday where the two of them built sandcastles and scampered up and down the shore scavenging for seashells. She wore her usual innocent child-like smile, but in the photograph you could see how tired she was from playing too much. In her hands was a pretty, and rather large conch shell which she displayed in her room. _Looking at the photo never failed to warm him during the freezing cold winters._

 ** _“Aw, don't be like that. Is it your heat?”_** _The alpha strokes his finger against the skin where Hajime's scent glands were. **“Cause you smell really amazing right now Hajime.”**_

 _A little of his distressed signals had already began seeping out. **He feels himself go light-headed, face red not from the embarrassment, but from the bubbling anger.**_ _He pulls away a little, but the outcome isn't much either._ _**This time, the alpha's fingers slip a little under Hajime's shirt, just around the waist.** The raven obviously uncomfortable, shoves it away. **But the alpha laughs it off, unrelenting** , and Hajime is slowly starting to get more tense by the second._

 ** _“Don't touch me.”_ **_Rather than doing what he had asked, the alpha trails down even further, **his thighs now.**_ He quickly realises the alpha had started emitting his thicker pheromones, those meant for weakening omegas to make them drowsy. _He could sense the rising worry of his colleagues too, from the corner of his peripheral, he could see about two of them hesitate to step in._

 ** _“I thought omegas like being touched.”_** _He husks. The unease had already began to settle inside Hajime. **His mind said to move, to do something, retaliate.** But his body seemed to act on its own accord, refusing to yield to his demands. **“Especially ones like you who nobody wants anymore.”**_

 ** _When had his fingers wandered lower down his thighs?_ **_Rather than touching, it had morphed into tiny massages. This time it wasn't only his distress being picked up, **he could sense the distress of his colleagues too.**_  

The worst part of all of this was his body was reacting to being touched, his insides felt like they were coated in slick and it sickened him. _**He hated this. He hated this. He wanted it to stop**. The alpha seemed to take notice of it too, and now, he's more lustful than ever._

**_"... Are you wet for me Hajime?”_ **

**_He wants it to stop. For him to go away. Leave him alone._ **

_Hajime didn't know what overcame him._ Without thinking it through, he grabs the palm that had been wandering his thighs and twists it. _Maybe he did that a little too hard if he could hear a string of simultaneous cracking noises, but his judgement was cloudy and all he wanted was for the alpha to back the hell off._

 ** _His body was reacting in ways he didn't want,_ ** _and he was not going to let bastards like him get what they wanted._

 _Succumbing to the obvious shock of Hajime's retaliation, the omega uses the given opportunity to elbow him in the abdomen, causing him to tumble from the pain._ The alpha supports himself with the desk, **_clutching in what Hajime hoped to be agony._ **_Quiet gasps could be heard from watching co-workers, some dumbfounded and others on the fine line of speechless and terrified._ Paying then no mind, Hajime blurts out, **_“If you're so free why don't you do it?”_**

 _No reply, merely a fit of coughs._ Hajime stands up though it felt his legs could barely support his weight, his vision was hazy and by now, he didn't care about how much unwanted pheromones he was excreting. **_He's gone this far, he didn't see the point in stopping there, what reason was there to not go all out?_**

_**“You've been seating by your desk all morning, occasionally moving to harass someone, don't you think some work would do you some good?”** What people visualised as a usually cool-headed and submissive raven snaps. **“An asshole who throws his weight around pushing his work to those you see as beneath you.”** Words that he never thought he'd say out loud flew from his mouth _

**_“You're nothing but a lazy fuck.”_** _His cold fury burnt with dangerous intensity; it wasn't his volume or tone that surprised the alpha, it was the fact that not only had he just assaulted an alpha, he was making the alpha shut the fuck up. Onlooking colleagues were clearly stunned by the event that had unfolded, **and in all honesty,** Hajime was too._

 ** _“I’m sick and tired of your fucking shit.”_** Even so, it was more of self-defence. _He wasn't beating the guy, he was teaching him a well-deserved lesson._ **_Everyone else seemed to agree, because no one bothered stopping him._**

 **_“People like you are nothing but worthless scum.”_ ** _He continues._

 _“You need to leave me, and everyone else you've been harassing the fuck alone,” He struggles to find his breath._ **_“Or things are going to get very ugly for you.”_ **

_**His legs felt like collapsing now.** He could hardly breathe. His skull felt like it was being crushed by an inexplicable force; **but he wasn't finished yet.**_ _He wasn't going to stop till he's satisfied with his piece._ **_He wasn't going to let someone like him have the last say._**

 **_“People like you should be locked up and left to rot.”_ ** _He spits. **"Castrated."**_

 _The alpha manages to collect himself, he wavers a little but in a blink of an eye he's back upright on his two feet._ Hajime could easily tell from his stance he was aiming to land a punch; experience had told him enough. He anticipates the swing, and easily, he's able to avoid it. What Hajime didn't anticipate however was the alpha having quick enough reflexes to aim another one, _and this time, **he wasn't fast enough to react.**_

_**“Kazue-san that's enough!”** _

_Two of his colleagues rush to restrain the outraged alpha._   ** _He makes a close escape from being sucker punched in his jaw._** _Hajime doesn't flinch, instead, he grabs the files that had been tossed on his desk and dumps it on the filthy alpha's._ **_Sure he was adding fuel to the fire,_ **_but the only person who could stand up for him was himself, he's learned that the hard way plenty of times._

Hajime observes security personnel arriving to escort the rampaging alpha away, _and though he was relieved for now， **he wondered how long this peace would last.**_

 

**_“Iwaizumi-san, water.”_ **

_“Thank you.”_ The younger, but slightly taller beta comforts him by massaging his back. Hajime smiles, accepting the cup before taking a few sips. The two of them leaned against the counter of the brewing station. The lounge which usually just smelled like smoked cigars and alphas took on a more pleasant scent. Yuutarou had taken the extra time to light some aromatherapy candles to help calm Hajime down a little bit more. _It wasn't too heavy and overwhelming, a fragrant jasmine, **it was a scent Hajime was more than familiar with.**_ It soothed him in instances like these; _and those nights where the darkness seemed impenetrable, **it brought him solace.**_

 _ **“Are you alright Iwaizumi-san?”**_ _Yuutarou puts his hand softly on the shoulder of Hajime as a token of his comfort._ He embraces the touch, there was just something about platonic comfort that bemused Hajime. _**Warmth, patience, love, acceptance.** He really couldn't ask for anything more._

 ** _“I'm fine.”_ **_Hajime ruffles Yuutarou’s hair, unaware of the reddening cheeks of his._ Though he got embarrassed easily，he had a strong personality that assured Hajime he didn't have to fret too much about Yuutarou's wellbeing. **_“You worry too much Yuuta.”_ ** He chimes just like any parent would. Yuutarou sighs a sigh of relief, **_shoulders relieved of their worry._**

_“It's not good for you.”_

_It was just like Hajime to take those who were younger and more vulnerable under his wing, no matter what their secondary gender. **Some people said it was his omega instincts kicking in but it really was just Hajime being Hajime**_. _Yuutarou had only recently started working here but Hajime had already started watching out for him just like he would did for Hanami._ **_He taught him the ropes of how things worked here and Yuutarou was just grateful he had a senpai to look out for him._**

 ** _“... Fumiko-san told me the police are involved now.”_ **_Yuutarou takes a seat next to Hajime, watching worriedly at Hajime's tired look._ **_“Heard it from Akinari-san too.”_** _Hajime is unsure of what to say in reply to Yuutarou's statement, thus, he chooses to remain silent, instead disgruntled with the worsening cold._

**_“Do you think they would find a way to prosecute him?”_**

_The omega sighs, gaze low,_ **_“... I hope so.”_ **_Cold licked at his face and crept under his clothes, spreading across his skin like the lacy tide on a frigid winter beach._ **_“He's been allowed here doing what he did long enough.”_** What residual heat he had absorbed in the stuffy office was gone. Unwittingly he had squandered his time believing his office attire was more than enough to preserve his body heat. _He really didn't do well in cold places, and there wasn't much he could do to act against it._

 ** _“Are you cold Iwaizumi-san?”_** _Yuutarou had thankfully always been observant, he took a quick moment to analyse a situation before applying it to himself._ He picked up skills quickly from watching Hajime do it once or twice, and though he was sometimes a little loud, _**overall** , Hajime did sincerely enjoy his company._

Hesitantly, he nods. _“Yeah, a little.”_

 _ **“I'll turn up the heater for you!”** The beta abruptly stands up, brisking towards the thermostat._ _Hajime looks at him confused, nevertheless baring a tiny smile at the younger's enthusiasm._ He scoots back, face a shade darker of red. Hajime takes little notice of his fluster, more focused on a purplish bruise on the beta's forehead. _He points at it, **concerned.**_

**_“What happened?”_ **

_“This?”_ He points at it too, **_the omega nods._ **

_“Yes.”_

Obviously embarrassed, Yuutarou stammers. **_“I… I bumped into a lamppost.”_ **_Hajime laughs, amused by the clumsiness of his Kouhai._ He was clumsy too so he there wasn't much to say, _but imagining an 189 centimetre tall man walk into the lamppost seemed hilariously silly to Hajime._

 ** _“Does it hurt?”_ ** Hajime shifts a little to inspect the bruise, still completely oblivious to his kouhai's embarrassment. _Yuutarou awkwardly shakes his head, causing Hajime to frown, **upset.**_

Gently, he flicks his finger against Yuutarou's nose, patting him on the back afterwards. **_“You need to be more careful.”_ **_He chides._ ** _“You're going to end up walking onto the road one day.”_**

_“I know.”_

_**Yes** , maybe Hajime didn't seem to take note of his kouhai's fluster._ What Hajime does notices now however is the sad tint to Yuutarou's smile, it was a smile, but not Yuutarou's smile. _The big, bubbly grin that Hajime adored him for; **it wasn't there.**_

 ** _“What's wrong Yuuta?”_** _He wraps the beta in an almost motherly side-embrace, Yuutarou stiffens at first but relaxes shortly afterwards._ Hajime patiently waits for a reply as he sees the hesitance in the beta's facial expression. **_“It-It’s not something I should bother you with Iwaizumi-san.”_ **_Yuutarou ran his hand through her hair, teeth tugging at his cracking lower lip._ _“You have enough to worry about, it's not very-”_

 ** _“Yuuta.”_** _Hajime looks him dead in the eye, and usually, the beta would know there was no escaping this._ However, this was something different. **_He wasn't ready to tell the omega, not yet, or at least after what happened._ ** Hajime tries coaxing him with relieving rubs on his back, _but Yuutarou didn't seem keen on telling Hajime anything._

 ** _“I'm sorry Iwaizumi-san,”_ ** _Yuutarou starts, **“But maybe another time.”**_

 _He looks away, afraid of the possible disappointment on Hajime's face._ Instead, he's greated with a tighter hug. _Hajime's assuring smile._  
  
_"It's alright. You can tell me when you're ready._ _"_  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End notes:  
> \- The wage gap between Omegas and Betas are significantly different.  
> \- A sexual offender that harasses a beta is more likely to get arrested that one harassing an Omega.  
> \- The messed up text is used to express Hajime's deepest and darkest thoughts. It was a concept I thought made the story more immersive, so there might be more if it in the future.  
> \- Kazue is an important OC. He plays a pivotal role in future chapters.  
> \- Be prepared for many awkward moments and agonising mutual pining.


End file.
